"I am not my kids' god. He is their God." This thought is very overwhelming. It's hard to imagine that anyone could love my kids more than I do. It's also humbling, because as much as I love them, He does love them more, and he loves me the same way he loves them. I've been trying to love with open hands. Loving and protecting my family with every ounce of my being and yet leaving them in God's hands. This is so hard for me to do. To give them to God and trust that he'll do what's best for them. And when it's not what I would want it to be, trust that He'll give me strength and courage to accept it. Most of the time I tell the Lord I'm leaving them in His hands, but I'm still clinging to them, not wanting to let go. No one wants anything bad to happen to their family. For me the fear can be paralyzing. I hate leaving Olivia at someone else's house. I pray the whole time I'm away from her that we'll all be together at the end of the day, happy and healthy. I pray every day that God will keep Ryan safe while he's at work. I still check on Olivia every night before I go to bed to make sure she's still breathing and now I check on Ronan, too. And I thank Him so much for keeping us safe and well. And although the tears stream down my cheeks as I say "I give them to you, Lord, with open hands", I remember that they were His before they were ever mine. They are precious gifts from Him. I love my family so much.